Sunday, November 24, 2013

Autumn wind.

Seems like winter has blown in to Georges Valley this afternoon. And with it, the moods of the season.  This is the second autumn without my dad. And autumn has always reminded me so much of him. . .  the colors, the sounds, the smells, the trees.  Over the past year or so, I've had a changing in my mind.  I'm happier and more content.  But I don't necessarily believe all of things that I've been lead to believe all of my life until now.  It's not that anything is really different but more just a different perspective.

I've always liked autumn. Loved it even.  It has always made me a bit melancholy.  Melancholy isn't necessarily bad......and for someone who has battled depression most of her life, being able to feel anything, even melancholy is cause for celebration.  I think I wrote once before how depression isn't the sad, bittersweet feeling one gets that puts you in the mood to hunker down with a blanket and book.  Well for me, melancholy is just that.  It is a 'good' feeling.  It is a sign to me that I've won my most recent battle with depression.

So I'm sitting here at my kitchen table, all full of Elizabeth Berg who, if you haven't read her books, you really should because I were to be a writer, I would want to write the way she writes.  I'm sitting here looking at the gray-blue sky, watching the winds blow through the pine branches and I'm thinking about the upcoming winter.  One more winter.   My old dog sits beside me.  My not-quite-as-old dog sits staring at me hoping to be able to jump up on my lap.  Which he will whether I agree or not.  I listen to my husband harp at my son in the living room, the noise of the television in a room with no one to watch it.  And I wonder why I'm sitting here at all.




1 comment:

Snowbrush said...

A pensive post, as it were, and I very much relate.

I do love them sweetgum leaves. I was going to plant one in my backyard, but after going for months without being able to find it, I planted a tulip tree. Because I wanted fast shade, and because I'll be dead by the time it gets big enough to be a problem, it seemed like a good option, and I do love tulip trees too, just not as much as sweetgums.